Webinar presenters Mike Brown and Cheryl Stewart answered a number of your questions after their presentation, Emotional Intelligence: Flexibility and Stress Management (Part 3). Here are just a few of their responses.
Audience Question: You talked about those four sections in the self-assessment. So, the low range, the mid-range, the high range, and the overdone. Is it possible to be in between two of these buckets/categories?
Cheryl Stewart: Yes. It can. You can be in-between. It can be your responses sometimes, or reactions can be very much situational. When you take the actual assessment. In the scoring range, what you try to do is to try to fit within the mid-range of that. So, if you want to e-mail me, we can talk through it and I can get, you know, take you through it and kind of explain to you the scoring if you ever if you’re interested in taking the actual assessment. But yes, it is possible in the mid-range, that’s a great thing because that can kind of indicates that there’s some balance there, right?
Michael Brown: And remember, emotional mind, thinking mind, struggles in any way to win you over. So that’s that mid-range. And again, when things like self-talk get into the picture and that emotional literacy that we use, that can sway you one way or another. So yeah, I agree with Cheryl, totally.
Audience Question: Is it possible that someone could be higher or mid-range at work, but low range at home, or vice versa? I see a lot of head nodding. Okay, go ahead and explain.
Cheryl Stewart: It’s situational, and the way that you may respond to things at home, can be completely different when I am cooking, and things are a mess in the kitchen. I am very low range when I am at work. I know that I am accountable. So, I have to be more aware and thoughtful of how I respond. Though, it could possibly be mid-range. That depends on what my supervisor says.
Michael Brown: We’re talking about self-awareness, so she knows about triggers related to home and in her kitchen, as she knows about triggers at work. And because you have to be indifferent ranges, right. Her self-awareness and her self-management kick in to adjust, so she doesn’t get hijacked at work. She can get hijacked at home, which gives you can’t get hijacked at work.
Cheryl Stewart: Right, right.
Host: And several of you are several of the audience members, are asking if there’s a way that they can reach out to Cheryl, can you type in your e-mail, and, Mike, if you want to, as well, could you put that? Put your e-mails in the chatbox and texts that out to the audience? That’d be great. While you’re doing that, I’ll move on to the next question.
Audience Question: Where does easily board with more starts and finishes fall in that emotional versus thinking mind theory?
Cheryl Stewart: Then that means you’re not quite focused, that you’re all that you’re a little bit all over the place, and that your ease, that your flexibility is too high because you’re just, you don’t really complete anything.
Michael Brown: It’s more of an emotional mind, absolutely. This means you are most acceptable to doing something irrational, manipulative, etc. to satisfy the emotional mind, something impulsive.
Audience Question: How much does your physical state, let’s say I’m hungry or tired, feed into your self-talk and our emotional stability?
Michael Brown: I think a lot, but it depends on your self-awareness. Again, if you now will be talked about and in the last session, if you know you’re very self-aware that when I get hungry, I get moody, right? Then, it’s time to kick in and self-management to keep us in the thinking mind. So, it does play a factor, but self-awareness plays a role there. Again, remember, too, with self-awareness, we talked a lot about self-confidence. So, that’s where the physical attributes could come in on different scenarios, whereas if you feel that you may be out of shape of the way. So, again, if the self-confidence, that feeds in it as self-awareness is going to play a part as well.
Cheryl Stewart: So, one thing that research shows is that emotional intelligence. It really can influence your choices, right. But it’s not an excuse for the choices that you make. And so that’s one of the things that people have to be aware of, you know, it can influence your choices, but you can’t use it as an excuse. So that’s why the thinking part has to, you know, be, you know, be pretty prevalent in your decision making.
Michael Brown: That was a self-awareness question. Did our person already have that self-awareness? Now, do you have to exercise self-management, so that they don’t get hijacked? Like Cheryl says, that’s self-awareness portion is no excuse for your behavior or your lack of self-management.
Cheryl Stewart: And so just keep in mind, just to give me that, just to kind of put this all into perspective, 90 to 110 is the average score, and that’s what people say, you know, is the moderate range. When you start to look at 70 to 89 if you were to take the assessment. That’s low, but then even below 70, that means you really may need to work a little bit more at it. Now, if you get above 110, and then you go over to maybe 130, that’s when you might want to kind of start again, that’s overuse. So then there’s that mid-scale. Again, 90 to 110. That’s the average where you kind of want to be. Put that in the middle, and then you look this way, and then, you know, right or left. You start to kind of think you don’t want to go over. You don’t want to be under too far under.
Audience Question: How can we use this information to teach this just to youth who are involved in the court system or who are criminally involved? How can we start training our kids to think differently?
Cheryl Stewart: Sure. This is really teaching them about self-awareness. I have to tell my 15-year-old daughter a lot that when you fail to communicate and when you are not aware of how your attitude is impacting other people, you give other people authority to really make decisions or two about you, and in some ways, for you. I don’t know if that makes sense to people, but I have to tell her when you don’t acknowledge, are you nodding your head or you’re in a bad mood and you’re not able to effectively communicate what is really wrong with you, then the people around you have no other way to kind of manage you, what may be, you know going on with you. They just simply give them power or let them make decisions about you, which may not necessarily be true. So to answer your question, if you want to reach out to me through e-mail, I can kind of show you the model, and demonstrate the use, give you some points on just to kind of make it easy for children. But this is an excellent way, at a young age to teach children really how to control themselves. So that, as they mature and grow older, a lot of the problems in the workplace, when you think about it, you had the conduct grade that taught you about that said you are graded on self-control, and you’re told to stay in your seat. But we’re never really taught how to evaluate, or to look at myself and to reflect on things, you know what I mean? I think it depends on the type of environment they’re in, self-reflection and self-awareness. I don’t recall ever being taught that. And I think those are the key points that people really need, our children in general need to kind of think about. How does that make me feel? But how did it make other people feel as well?
Michael Brown: And for me, that’s why I like to teach emotional mind versus thinking mind, especially when I ran the Training Academy at the Corrections Department, is easy to bring the officer into a confrontation with the inmate. Was that emotional mind or thinking mind? And I got them into the habit of when they’re getting hijacked to repeat thinking mind, thinking mind, thinking mind to themselves. And I think for juveniles, that emotional mind versus thinking mind responses to their stimulus is a good way that she can get them to understand EI from a basic standpoint.
Cheryl Stewart: Alright, now, another technique that you can institute is journaling. Have them journal, maybe at the beginning of the day, and at the end of the day. It could talk about what happened, what they’re feeling as they start the day. And then at the end of the day, a wrap-up. And it can kind of reveal if you, as a teacher, can see the progression of their day. If they’re being very transparent and then they can also look at that and reflect back like, gosh, this morning, this is what, this is where I was when I walked in, but, here I am now at the end of the day and here’s what happened. How do I feel about all of this? How do I feel about, and you know, that type of thing journaling is an excellent way to reflect?
Audience Question: Is there a way that we can start incorporating emotional intelligence training into our academies, into our ongoing training? Encourage it with our FTO’s? All that kind of stuff.
Michael Brown: Well, you know, that’s a good question. And I like to go back to the previous segment, I hope someone else folks that are texting saw that, where we really demonstrated high emotional intelligence component factors into how we do our jobs. I think law enforcement is just now starting to get into emotional intelligence. So, because I worked for the National Sheriff’s Association, you can e-mail me directly, and we have a training committee, where some sheriffs are actually on board. And one of the things that we’re trying to do within NSA is to start to go out into the field and teach EI, to so many agencies as well. And just really quick, one thing, the, a very large police department, that I won’t mention, actually saw me physically teach it, and they had me come out, and they actually are teaching on EI academies now. So, anything to help you get that started out.
Audience Question: How do we pull ourselves back when we’re in that emotional hijack? Or is it really impossible for us individually to pull ourselves back? And we really need to be able to rely on that buddy or that partner who can kind of, you know, tap on the shoulder, and say, “Hey, reel it back in”?
Michael Brown: No, we can. So, remember, the thinking mind has the ability you can show you for those two basic reasons. And, again, it comes down to that self-talk, physical mental cues, and that language that we give. So, for what I do, for me, if I’m getting hijacked, I can fill it in my lower abdomen. Again, like a cartoon, I can feel it rising. And when my brain triggers, Hey, you’re getting hijacked. That’s when I step in and say, thinking mind, thinking mind. So again, that emotional literacy with that client, that motor is, that suspect, whatever you want to call it. What am I saying to myself about that person? Strong words like this are strong emotional context there and I’m going to get hijacked. So, pay attention to the language when you’re with these people. What are you saying to yourself about that person? It was strong words, a strong reaction.
Audience Question: Does this analogy work? So, the emotional mind is kind of like a child, or as the thinking mind is more like an adult, is that a fair way to think about it?
Michael Brown: Yeah, I will say, you can look at it that way. Because, again, we go back to the cartoon in a devil and an angel. I mean, we will see adult movies now, where you see the little cartoon pop up, right? Yeah. So, you can look at it that way, but I’ll let’s just look at them more. So, like, the emotional mind is irrational impulsive. Right? So, you don’t have to be child-like to be impulsive. You have a lot with those that are impulsive. So, I will focus on the words that associate with the emotional mind, irrational, manipulative impulsive.
Audience Question: Where does that theory of emotional mind versus thinking mind? Where does that theory come from?
Michael Brown: Well, during my studies, and again, we talked about just doing our other segments. I studied a lot of Daniel Goleman. I’ve been teaching the emotional mind thinking mind, maybe 10 years. Just my teaching style is like to break things down, whereas, easily understandable and I think that’s understandable for me. It specifically speaks on emotional hijack.
Cheryl Stewart: This is one of the New York Times bestsellers. He’s done an excellent job at capturing different scenarios of emotional intelligence, especially in children in elementary school. He spoke, one of the things I liked about this book was how he talked about, how a teacher recognized that each child had a different way of approaching things. And so, the teacher separated the students, and taught them, based on those individual styles that she recognized and noticed the child thrived a lot better, as opposed to teaching them all by saying, Here’s what you’re going to do, and this is how you’re going to respond. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, this is what is expected. So, I like this, and when you think about it when you go to work every day as an adult. You have performance expectations. Usually, if it’s a good organization, that’s a collaborative process where you both kind of have input. Your manager recognizes, this is what’s expected, but you know, this is what you’re good at and what you, and you also talk about some of the things that you want to build upon. It’s really about managing those expectations and having a supervisor in the workplace, and the team that can kind of draw upon those skills of the employee to maximize organizational performance. So, this is also good in the workplace. If you’re looking at doing performance planning, and you’re a manager, or a supervisor, or just a person in the team, and you want to know how to kind of do better in your job when it comes to interacting with your peers in setting goals and performance expectations.
Audience Question: Is there a place for the emotional mind, too?
Michael Brown: Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, again, with Cheryl talking about that striking a balance. Absolutely. Here’s a place for the emotional mind as you show compassion and things like that. Absolutely, as long as the thinking mind is in charge and the emotions don’t become too strong.
Click Here to Watch a Recording of Emotional Intelligence: Flexibility and Stress Management (Part 3).