After the Webinar: Controlling Your Emotions Keeps YOU Out of Jail. Q&A with Sam Davis

Webinar presenter Sam Davis answered a number of your questions after his presentation,  Controlling Your Emotions Keeps You Out of Jail. Here are just a few of his responses.

 

Audience Question: Why does it feel like there is so much so many more emotional outburst these days, even outrage these days? It’s like some folks are controlling or managing their emotions but barely, on a knife’s edge, maybe. Is it merely a lack of professionalism or training or are people so stressed out and other parts of their lives that things are starting to spill over into their work-life when maybe before people might have been better at compartmentalizing? What are your thoughts? 

Sam Davis: That’s a great question. I think that the answer is even in the question. And that is we’re more stressed now. It’s an unfortunate thing and I know that COVID did not help us at all in terms of keeping people inside and away from positive interactions. Matter of fact, it has us focusing more on just kind of interacting with ourselves instead of others. And we had a lot of tension and stress as a result of that, but we also live in a society where there’s a lot of expectations that I should be on the receiving end of stuff that it should be kind of given to me instead of me having to work for it. And so, we have folks that have taken the attitude of “If I can’t have it, if it doesn’t come to me automatically, if people don’t give me respect, not me earning it, but give me respect, then I’m going to be aggressive, angry. I’m going to get mine.” I think we live in a society today where we are a lot of expectation is that it’s almost like the adults have become the trophy kids. I participate, everybody should acknowledge me as being the top athlete, when actually I’m not. It’s ok not to be the best, and I think that’s one of the reasons that we’re having so much tension and stress right now because folks that are competing so much at trying to be the best instead of being the best they can be.

 

Audience Question: It seems like one of the things that might be important to controlling our emotions is developing what we’ve heard called emotional intelligence or self-awareness. Sam, do you have any advice on how we can build our self-awareness skills to become more self-aware? 

Sam Davis: Big thing with that and with emotional intelligence is obviously not only recognizing your emotions, but also recognizing the emotions of others, and helping you to manage your own. It’s important for us to recognize that different things impact people in a different way, and that if we don’t appreciate that I can have a response to a situation A much different than yours, that there’s no standard way of responding to things, that will help us to reduce some of the stressors that we’re feeling. It’s often the situation that we look at, something as being kind of a cookie cutter that if you see this situation, everybody should respond to it in the same way. If you see a horrible accident, everyone should be appalled. Some folks are not fazed by it. It doesn’t bother them why? Maybe they’ve seen lots and lots of stuff. And they’ve become somewhat cold to it, they become somewhat callous to it. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, just means they’ve had different experiences. Some folks will respond by absolutely losing their stuff because they’ve never seen anything like that before. They don’t know how to handle it and they lose complete control.

And for that, others, we look at them saying, I can’t believe they’re so out of control like that. So, the emotional intelligence is looking not only at you, but also understanding that other people, how they might be feeling how they might be sensing this is important for us, in terms of effectively controlling our stress and managing it.

 

Audience Question: What are some tips and tricks you might have to make sure that we’re responding not reacting? 

Sam Davis: One of the things that we need to do in terms of making sure we’re not reacting but responding is clarify the situation. Make sure that you say, however, you want to phrase it, “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying here.” Or “Let me leave this with you to make sure that we’re on the same page,” or “Did I understand you —- to say that?” Or “Did you intend this?” One of the things we need to do is make sure that we’re clarifying what people intend and what they are saying to us, which will make a really, really big difference. So, I think if you just take that and just ask folks for clarification, Don’t assume that you know exactly how people feel, or how they’re thinking. But ask for clarification. And it’s not that you are trying to be a smart aleck. But you want to make sure that you can give them the best response to their situation by knowing exactly what it is that they’re feeling, and what they’re saying.

 

Audience Question: Do you have a suggested reading list or any particular books that we should be reading up on to help with this topic? 

Sam Davis: Well, I tell you, and I apologize, I had a list I did not give to Chris to publish, and I don’t have it in, in front of me. But stay tuned, and I can get that to Chris, and she can put that out there. Or if you see my e-mail address if you want to e-mail me. Anyone absolutely e-mail me, and I will get that for you.

 

 

Click Here to Watch a Recording of Controlling Your Emotions Keeps You Out of Jail.  

 

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